How to safely leave an abusive relationship in Colorado. Expert legal strategies for escaping domestic violence, creating safety plans, and protecting yourself and your children.
If you’re reading this, you’ve already taken the most courageous step: acknowledging that you need help to leave an abusive relationship. Whether you’re experiencing physical violence, emotional manipulation, financial control, or any other form of relationship abuse, you deserve safety, respect, and freedom. As your legal bestie, Victoria at Baxter Family Law wants you to know that the process of leaving an abusive partner is possible, and Colorado law provides robust protections to help you escape and rebuild your life.
If you’re in immediate danger, call 911 now. For confidential support, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (available 24/7) or the Colorado Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-844-264-7877.
Domestic violence affects women and men of all ages, backgrounds, and sexual orientations. A violent relationship can involve physical abuse, but it also includes emotional abuse, financial control, sexual violence, threats, intimidation, and isolation tactics. Colorado courts recognize all these forms of family violence and provide legal remedies to protect survivors and their children.
Unlike other relationship challenges where co-parenting after divorce might be possible, leaving abusive relationships requires specialized safety planning and legal strategies. This comprehensive guide walks you through how to leave an abusive partner safely, understanding your legal rights in Colorado, and accessing available resources you need to start your new life.
Understanding Domestic Abuse and Intimate Partner Violence in Colorado
What Constitutes an Abusive Relationship Under Colorado Law
Colorado law defines domestic abuse broadly to protect survivors from many types of abuse. Under Colorado Revised Statutes 18-6-800.3, domestic violence includes any act of violence, threat of violence, or coercion used by one intimate partner to maintain power and control over another. This legal framework recognizes that abuse extends far beyond physical violence.
Colorado courts recognize these forms of domestic abuse:
- Physical violence: Hitting, pushing, choking, or attempting to restrain you through any unwanted physical contact intended to harm or frighten you
- Emotional and psychological abuse: Constant criticism, humiliation, gaslighting, threats to harm you or loved ones, destroying your property, or threatening suicide to control you
- Financial abuse: Controlling all money, preventing you from working, hiding assets, running up debt in your name, or refusing to provide basic necessities
- Sexual violence and coercion: Forcing or pressuring you into unwanted sexual activity, reproductive coercion, or using sex as a tool for control
- Isolation tactics: Cutting you off from family members, friends, work, or community; monitoring your communications and whereabouts constantly
- Stalking and harassment: Following you, showing up uninvited, or using technology to stalk and monitor you
- Verbal abuse: Name-calling, threats, yelling, and degrading comments designed to damage your self-esteem
The critical element Colorado courts examine is the pattern of coercive control – the ongoing use of various tactics to dominate and control an intimate partner. You don’t need visible bruises for your experience to qualify as domestic violence under Colorado law. Many victims of domestic abuse worry their experiences “aren’t serious enough” to seek help, but Colorado’s legal system recognizes that psychological abuse can be just as devastating as physical violence. Remember: violence and abuse are never the victim’s fault.
If your partner exhibits behaviors similar to those described in our guide on leaving a narcissistic relationship, you may be experiencing a form of intimate partner violence that qualifies for legal protection in Colorado.
Recognizing the Warning Signs of Intimate Partner Violence
Understanding the warning signs helps you recognize abuse patterns and make informed decisions about your safety. Abusive relationships often escalate gradually, making it difficult to identify when you’ve crossed from an unhealthy relationship into an abusive one.
Common warning signs of an abusive partner include:
- Extreme jealousy or possessiveness that’s presented as “love”
- Isolating you from family member support and friendships
- Controlling what you wear, where you go, or who you see
- Constant criticism that erodes your self-worth
- Explosive anger or unpredictable mood swings
- Blaming you for their abusive behavior
- Minimizing or denying their harmful actions
- Using children as pawns or threatening custody
- Controlling all finances or sabotaging your employment
- Threatening to harm you, themselves, pets, or loved ones
- Forcing sexual activity or reproductive choices
Research shows that trying to leave an abusive relationship is the most dangerous time for survivors. Abusers often escalate violence when they sense they’re losing control. This reality makes it essential to make a plan before you end the relationship. While leaving requires courage, doing so with a comprehensive safety plan and legal protections significantly reduces risk.
Creating Your Safety Plan Before You Leave an Abusive Relationship
A detailed safety plan protects you during the most dangerous phase – leaving without putting yourself at greater risk. Whether you need to leave immediately or can plan strategically over time depends on your specific situation and level of danger.
Essential Steps for Planning Your Safe Exit
If you’re in immediate danger: Leave now and go to a safe place – a local domestic violence shelter, trusted friend or family member’s home, hotel, or anywhere the perpetrator cannot find you. Call 911 if necessary. Everything else can be handled later; your physical safety is the only priority in a crisis.
If you can plan your exit strategically, these steps help you leave safely:
Financial Safety Planning:
Creating financial independence is crucial when leaving an abusive partner, especially if your abuser has maintained financial control throughout the relationship.
- Open a separate bank account at a completely different financial institution your abuser doesn’t use
- Have statements sent electronically to a new email address your abuser cannot access
- Gather copies of all financial documents: bank statements, tax returns, retirement accounts, property deeds, vehicle titles, credit reports
- Secure your personal credit – check for unauthorized accounts and freeze your credit if needed
- Hide emergency cash in a safe location outside your home (with a trusted friend, in a safety deposit box at a different bank)
- Document all marital assets, including any your abuser may be hiding
- Make copies of important documents including social security cards, birth certificates, and your passport if applicable
- If possible, start setting aside small amounts of money your abuser won’t notice missing
Colorado’s equitable distribution laws protect your right to marital assets, but having immediate access to emergency funds provides crucial independence as you leave an abusive relationship.
Emotional and Evidence Preparation:
- Build a support system quietly – reconnect with trusted friends or family members your abuser has isolated you from
- Consider individual therapy with a counselor experienced in domestic violence (keep appointments private)
- Document abuse meticulously: keep a detailed journal with dates, times, witnesses, and descriptions of incidents
- Save threatening texts, voicemails, and emails (forward to a secure email account your abuser cannot access)
- Photograph any injuries, property damage, or evidence of abuse or violence
- Keep documentation in a safe location away from your home – with your attorney, a trusted friend, or in cloud storage your abuser cannot access
Colorado is a one-party consent state for recording conversations, but consult with an experienced attorney before recording to ensure you’re protecting yourself legally.
Physical Safety Measures:
- Identify multiple safe places you can go: domestic violence shelters, friends’ homes, hotels
- Pack an emergency bag and hide it somewhere your abuser won’t find it (at work, friend’s house, storage unit)
- Include in your emergency bag: identification documents (driver’s license, social security cards, birth certificates), children’s important documents, medications, clothes for several days, car and house keys, cash, phone charger, and copies of important papers
- Plan your exit route – know multiple ways to leave your home quickly
- Have a code word with trusted friends or family members that signals you need help
- Memorize important phone numbers in case you cannot access your phone
Digital Safety:
Abusers increasingly use technology for surveillance and control. Protecting your digital privacy is essential.
- Change all passwords using a device your abuser cannot access (library computer, friend’s phone, work computer)
- Make sure you have logged out of all accounts on your spouse’s computer, or shared computers. Check to ensure your web browser (Google Chrome, Safari, etc) has not saved your passwords.
- Check your phone for monitoring apps or spyware – consider getting a new phone
- Turn off location services on your devices
- Create new email and social media accounts your abuser doesn’t know about
- Be cautious about what you search for on shared devices – your abuser may monitor browser history
- Disable location sharing in all apps
- Consider that your abuser may have access to shared cloud storage (which could save photos and screenshots even after you’ve deleted them), shared phone plans, or vehicle GPS
Many survivors find that creating a detailed safety plan with a domestic violence advocate provides valuable guidance tailored to their specific situation. Contact TESSA in the Colorado Springs area at 719-633-3819 for free, confidential safety planning assistance to help keep you safe.
Protecting Your Children When Leaving Domestic Abuse
If you have children, your safety plan must account for their protection as well. Children living in homes with domestic violence are affected even when they don’t directly witness abuse.
Include these child-specific considerations in your safety plan:
- Talk to your children in age-appropriate ways about safety without frightening them
- Teach them how to call 911 and what information to provide
- Create a code word they can use if they feel unsafe
- Pack emergency bags for them with clothes, comfort items, and medications
- Gather all their important documents: birth certificates, social security cards, medical records, school records, passport if they have one
- Notify their school (when safe to do so) that only specific people can pick them up
- Consider temporary custody arrangements to prevent your abuser from taking the children
Colorado courts prioritize child safety in custody determinations. Understanding your custodial rights becomes essential as you plan your exit.
Important note: While co-parenting after divorce works well for many families, it is not appropriate or safe when domestic violence is present. Your attorney can help you establish parallel parenting arrangements or supervised visitation that protects you and your children from ongoing abuse.
Colorado Legal Protections for Domestic Violence Survivors
Emergency and Permanent Protection Orders
Colorado’s civil protection order system provides immediate legal protection for survivors of domestic violence. These court orders (sometimes called restraining orders) restrict your abuser’s behavior and create legal consequences if they violate the terms.
Understanding Colorado Protection Orders:
Temporary Protection Orders (TPO): You can file for a temporary protection order at your county courthouse. Judges typically grant temporary orders the same day you file if your petition demonstrates domestic abuse. These orders last until your full hearing, usually scheduled within 14 days.
Permanent Protection Orders: At your protection order hearing (usually within two weeks of your temporary order), a judge will hear testimony from both parties and decide whether to issue a permanent protection order. “Permanent” in Colorado means the order lasts indefinitely – there’s no automatic expiration date. Your abuser can request the order be dismissed after two years, but you’ll have an opportunity to object.
When there has been an arrest due to domestic violence the police may put a Mandatory Protection Order in place. This is separate from your civil temporary or permanent protection order. Having a mandatory order does not prevent you from also seeking a civil protection order.
What Colorado Protection Orders Can Include:
Colorado protection orders are powerful legal tools that can include multiple provisions to protect you and your children:
- No-contact directives: Your abuser cannot contact you by phone, text, email, social media, through third parties, or in person
- Stay-away provisions: Your abuser must stay a specified distance from you, your home, workplace, children’s schools, and other locations you frequent
- Exclusive use of shared residence: The court can order your abuser to leave your home, even if they own it or are on the lease
- Temporary custody arrangements: The court can grant you temporary custody of your children
- Return of personal property: The court can order your abuser to return your belongings
- Firearm restrictions: Colorado protection orders require your abuser to surrender all firearms
- No-contact regarding pets: Colorado recognizes that abusers often harm or threaten pets; protection orders can include your animals
- Restitution: The court may order your abuser to pay for damages they caused
How to Obtain a Protection Order in Colorado:
- Go to your county courthouse during business hours (or contact law enforcement for emergency orders)
- Request protection order forms from the clerk or access them available online through Colorado Judicial Branch
- Complete the petition describing the abuse with specific dates, incidents, and any evidence you have
- File your petition with the court clerk (no filing fee required)
- A judge will review your petition and typically grant a temporary order the same day
- Attend your full hearing within 14 days to present evidence for a permanent order
You don’t need an attorney to file for a protection order, but legal representation significantly improves your chances of obtaining comprehensive protection. Many Colorado counties offer free legal clinics for domestic violence survivors seeking protection orders.
If your abuser violates the protection order, call 911 immediately. Protection order violations are crimes in Colorado, and law enforcement must arrest violators. Document every violation carefully – these violations demonstrate your need for continued protection and can result in criminal charges against your abuser.
Colorado’s Domestic Violence Laws and Your Rights
Beyond protection orders, Colorado law provides additional protections and rights for domestic violence survivors.
Mandatory Arrest Policies: Colorado law requires police officers to arrest the predominant aggressor when responding to domestic violence calls. Officers cannot suggest that both parties “cool off” or treat mutual abuse claims equally – they must identify and arrest the person who is the primary source of violence and control.
Criminal vs. Civil Proceedings: Domestic violence cases often involve both criminal charges (filed by prosecutors) and civil matters (protection orders, divorce, custody – filed by you). These are separate proceedings with different standards of proof. You maintain control over civil matters but cannot drop criminal charges – only prosecutors can dismiss criminal cases.
Victim Rights in Colorado: As a domestic violence survivor, Colorado law grants you specific rights throughout criminal proceedings:
- Right to be informed about the status of the case
- Right to be present at court proceedings
- Right to be heard at sentencing
- Right to restitution for damages
- Right to protection from intimidation and harassment
- Right to have a victim advocate present
Address Confidentiality Program: Colorado’s Address Confidentiality Program provides a legal substitute address for survivors of domestic violence. This program helps survivors keep their actual address confidential in public records, allowing them to register to vote, enroll children in school, and conduct other official business without revealing their location to their abuser.
Employment and Housing Protections: Colorado law protects domestic violence survivors from discrimination:
- Employers cannot terminate you for missing work due to domestic violence, protection order proceedings, or related medical treatment
- Landlords must allow you to terminate leases early without penalty if you’re fleeing domestic violence (with proper documentation)
- You cannot be evicted solely because of domestic violence incidents at your residence
Understanding these legal protections empowers you as you leave an abusive relationship. Colorado has created comprehensive safeguards recognizing that leaving domestic violence requires support across multiple life areas.
The Legal Process of Leaving: Divorce and Separation with Domestic Violence
When you’re ready to legally end your marriage to an abusive partner, Colorado’s divorce process includes specific protections for domestic violence survivors.
Filing for Divorce When Domestic Abuse Is Present
While divorce proceedings might feel overwhelming when you’re already dealing with abuse, understanding the process helps you approach it strategically.
Colorado’s No-Fault Divorce Advantage: Colorado is a no-fault divorce state, meaning you don’t need to prove your spouse’s wrongdoing to obtain a divorce. The court only requires evidence that the marriage is “irretrievably broken.” This standard prevents your abuser from prolonging proceedings by contesting the divorce itself.
However, while you don’t need to prove abuse to get divorced, documenting domestic violence becomes crucial for:
- Obtaining protection orders
- Securing favorable custody arrangements
- Getting exclusive use of the marital home
- Demonstrating need for spousal support
- Protecting your share of marital assets
Requesting Immediate Temporary Orders: When filing for divorce, you can simultaneously request temporary orders that provide protection and establish ground rules while divorce proceedings continue. These temporary orders can:
- Grant you temporary custody of children
- Award you exclusive use of the marital home
- Require your spouse to pay temporary support
- Divide use of vehicles and other property
- Incorporate protection order provisions
- Restrict your spouse’s access to certain assets
Temporary orders remain in effect throughout the divorce process, often lasting 6-12 months. For domestic violence survivors, these immediate protections prove essential.
Safe Service of Divorce Papers: Colorado requires that your spouse be formally served with divorce papers. When domestic violence is present, this notification can trigger escalation. Strategies for safer service include:
- Having law enforcement serve papers rather than a private process server
- Coordinating service when you’re in a safe location away from your abuser
- Filing for a protection order simultaneously with divorce papers
- Ensuring you have a safety plan in place for when your spouse receives notice
Court Accommodations for Survivors: Colorado courts provide accommodations for domestic violence survivors during proceedings:
- Separate waiting areas so you don’t encounter your abuser before hearings
- Testimony via video or telephone if appearing in person feels unsafe
- Allowing support persons to accompany you in the courtroom
- Scheduling hearings at times that maximize your safety
- Issuing orders that prevent your abuser from obtaining your contact information
The divorce process when leaving an abusive relationship requires more than standard legal representation – it demands an attorney who understands domestic violence dynamics and prioritizes your safety throughout proceedings. If your abusive partner also exhibits narcissistic traits, the challenges multiply, as discussed in our guide on how to leave a narcissist.
Child Custody Considerations with Abusive Partners
Child custody determinations when domestic violence exists involve specialized legal standards designed to protect children from ongoing exposure to abuse.
What Documentation Helps in Custody Determinations:
- Protection orders issued against your spouse
- Police reports from domestic violence incidents
- Medical records documenting injuries
- Photographs of injuries or property damage
- Witness statements from people who observed abuse
- Documentation of your spouse’s arrest or criminal charges
- Therapy records showing the impact of abuse on you or your children
- Evidence your spouse used children to control or manipulate you
- Text messages or audio recordings of the person being emotionally abusive
Supervised Visitation and Exchange Protocols: When domestic violence exists, Colorado courts can order:
- Supervised visitation: Your abusive partner’s time with children occurs in the presence of a court-approved supervisor, either at a supervised visitation center or with an approved family member
- Supervised exchanges: Even if visits are unsupervised, transfers of the children must occur with a neutral third party present or at a public location
- No-contact provisions: The court can restrict your abusive partner from contacting children between visits
- Phased reunification: If abuse was severe, the court may require therapeutic intervention before allowing parent-child contact
Appointing a Child and Family Investigator or Parental Responsibilities Evaluator: In high-conflict custody cases involving domestic violence, Colorado courts may appoint a Child and Family Investigator (CFI) or Parental Responsibilities Evaluator (PRE). These professionals investigate the family situation and make recommendations to the court about custody and parenting time arrangements that best serve the children’s interests.
When domestic violence exists, it’s crucial that the CFI or PRE understands domestic violence dynamics. Some evaluators inappropriately prioritize maintaining both parents’ involvement without adequately weighing safety concerns. Working with an attorney experienced in domestic violence cases ensures proper advocacy for your children’s safety.
Understanding Custodial Rights in Colorado becomes particularly important when domestic violence is present. Unlike situations where cooperative co-parenting works well, abusive relationships require parallel parenting arrangements with minimal contact between parents. Your parental rights remain protected while ensuring safety for you and your children.
For military families in Colorado Springs experiencing domestic violence, additional federal protections exist, and unique challenges arise around deployment and custody. Military spouses leaving abusive relationships face specific concerns about maintaining access to benefits and housing that require specialized legal guidance.
Resources and Support for Survivors in Colorado
Immediate Help and Emergency Resources
If you or your children are in immediate danger, call 911 now.
Colorado provides comprehensive resources for domestic violence survivors throughout the state. These organizations offer confidential support, emergency shelter, legal advocacy, and counseling services.
24/7 Hotlines:
- Colorado Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-844-264-7877 (call or text, 24/7, free, confidential)
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788
- Colorado Crisis Services: 1-844-493-8255 (mental health crisis support)
- National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673
Colorado Springs Area Resources:
- TESSA (Ending Domestic and Sexual Violence): Serving El Paso and Teller Counties
- 24/7 Crisis Line: 719-633-3819
- Provides emergency shelter, legal advocacy, counseling, support groups
- Website: tessacs.org
- Safe Passage: Additional services for El Paso County survivors
- Focus on high-risk domestic violence cases
- Provides safety planning and legal advocacy
Statewide Emergency Shelters: Colorado has domestic violence shelters throughout the state. Many domestic violence shelters can provide immediate assistance. Contact the Colorado Domestic Violence Hotline to locate the nearest domestic violence shelter with available space. Shelters can help survivors by providing:
- Safe, confidential emergency housing for women and children (some shelters serve all genders)
- Meals and basic necessities
- Children’s services and activities
- Case management and safety planning
- Help accessing legal, medical, and social services
- Support groups for adults and children
Safety for All Survivors: Colorado domestic violence services welcome survivors of all genders, sexual orientations, gender identities, races, religions, immigration statuses, and abilities. Services are free and confidential.
Long-Term Support and Legal Assistance
Beyond immediate crisis intervention, numerous Colorado resources help survivors rebuild their lives and navigate legal proceedings.
Free and Low-Cost Legal Help:
- Colorado Legal Services: Provides free civil legal assistance to low-income Coloradans, including help with protection orders, divorce, and custody cases involving domestic violence
- Website: coloradolegalservices.org
- Application: Call 303-837-1313
- Family Law Self-Help Centers: Located in courthouses throughout Colorado, these centers provide free assistance with family law forms and basic legal information (but cannot provide legal advice)
- Pro Bono Programs: Many Colorado bar associations operate pro bono programs connecting domestic violence survivors with volunteer attorneys
Victim Compensation and Financial Assistance:
- Colorado Division of Criminal Justice Victim Compensation Program: Provides financial assistance to victims of violent crimes, including domestic violence. Compensation can cover medical expenses, counseling, lost wages, and emergency relocation
- Information: Call 303-239-5719 or visit colorado.gov
- Emergency Financial Assistance: Many domestic violence programs provide emergency funds for security deposits, utility payments, transportation, or other critical needs
- Transitional Housing Programs: Help survivors transition from emergency shelter to permanent housing with rent assistance and supportive services
Counseling and Therapy Resources:
Healing from domestic violence requires professional support. Colorado offers numerous therapy options:
Individual trauma therapy: Many domestic violence programs provide free or sliding-scale counseling with therapists trained in trauma-informed care. If you seek counseling, working with trauma specialists helps you process your experiences and rebuild your life.
- Support groups: Facilitated groups for domestic violence survivors provide peer support and shared experiences
- Children’s counseling: Therapy helps children process their experiences and develop healthy coping strategies
- Family therapy: When appropriate and safe, family therapy can help repair relationships affected by domestic violence
LGBTQ+ Specific Resources in Colorado:
LGBTQ+ individuals face unique challenges when experiencing domestic violence, including fear of discrimination, lack of culturally competent services, and concerns about being outed. Colorado has LGBTQ+-affirming resources:
- Anti-Violence Project Colorado: Provides support specifically for LGBTQ+ survivors of violence
- The Center on Colfax (Denver): Offers support groups and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals
- One Colorado: LGBTQ+ advocacy organization that can connect survivors with affirming services
At Baxter Family Law, we provide LGBTQ+-affirming legal representation and understand the unique challenges facing LGBTQ+ survivors of intimate partner violence.
Employment and Financial Independence Programs:
- Workforce development programs: Colorado Works and other programs help survivors gain job skills and find employment
- Financial literacy classes: Many domestic violence programs offer education on budgeting, credit repair, and financial planning
- Small business development: Resources exist to help survivors start businesses and achieve financial independence
Immigration Assistance:
Immigrant survivors of domestic violence have special protections and options under federal law, including:
- U-Visas: For victims of crimes who cooperate with law enforcement
- VAWA self-petitions: Allow abused spouses of U.S. citizens or permanent residents to file for legal status independently
- Protection from deportation: Certain protections exist for survivors of domestic violence
Colorado immigration legal service organizations provide free or low-cost assistance with these matters.
Moving Forward: Building a Life Free from Abuse
Healing and Rebuilding After Leaving
Leaving an abusive relationship marks the beginning of your healing journey, not the end. Recovery takes time, patience, and support, but countless survivors have walked this path before you and rebuilt fulfilling lives.
The Importance of Trauma-Informed Therapy: Domestic violence creates complex trauma that affects your sense of self, your relationships, and your ability to trust. Working with a therapist who specializes in trauma recovery provides essential support as you:
- Process the abuse you experienced
- Rebuild your self-worth and confidence
- Develop healthy relationship patterns
- Manage trauma responses (anxiety, hypervigilance, flashbacks)
- Learn to trust your own perceptions and judgments
- Set boundaries in new relationships
- Make decisions based on your needs rather than fear
Support Groups and Community: Connecting with other survivors helps combat isolation and provides practical wisdom from those who’ve successfully left abusive relationships. Support groups offer:
- Validation that you’re not alone in your experiences
- Practical strategies for challenges you’re facing
- Hope from seeing others who’ve rebuilt their lives
- A safe space to share your story without judgment
- Friendships with people who understand domestic violence dynamics
Many survivors find that a combination of individual therapy and support groups provides the most comprehensive healing support.
Rebuilding Financial Independence: Financial abuse often leaves survivors without resources or damaged credit. Rebuilding financial stability takes time but follows predictable steps:
- Open bank accounts in your name only
- Rebuild credit through secured credit cards or credit-builder loans
- Address debt created by your abuser through identity theft procedures if applicable
- Create a budget that works for your new situation
- Access job training or education programs if needed
- Work toward financial goals that give you security and independence
Establishing Healthy Relationships: After leaving domestic violence, understanding what healthy relationships look like becomes essential. Healthy intimate partnerships involve:
- Mutual respect and equality (not romantic love confused with obsession or control)
- Trust and honesty
- Open communication without fear of retaliation
- Support for each other’s goals and friendships
- Shared decision-making
- Physical and emotional safety
- Respect for boundaries
- Taking responsibility for one’s own actions
Many survivors benefit from taking time to focus on themselves before entering new romantic relationships after a breakup from an abusive situation. Therapy can help you recognize red flags early and trust your instincts about new people.
Teaching Children About Healthy Relationships: Children who grew up witnessing domestic violence need explicit teaching about healthy relationships. They may view the abuse they witnessed as normal unless you actively provide different models. Age-appropriate conversations about:
- Respect in friendships and relationships
- Healthy conflict resolution
- Recognizing manipulation and control
- The right to say no and have boundaries respected
- What love actually looks like versus what abuse disguised as love looks like
These conversations help interrupt intergenerational cycles of violence and give your children tools for healthy relationships throughout their lives.
Self-Care and Patience with Healing: Recovery from intimate partner violence isn’t linear. You’ll have good days and difficult days. Be patient with yourself. Self-care practices that many survivors find helpful include:
- Regular exercise or movement
- Mindfulness or meditation practices
- Creative expression (art, writing, music)
- Time in nature
- Healthy sleep routines
- Nurturing friendships
- Activities that bring you joy
- Setting boundaries around your time and energy
Protection Orders as Long-Term Safety Tools: Even years after leaving, maintaining an active protection order provides legal protection if your former abuser attempts to reassert control. Colorado’s permanent protection orders don’t expire automatically, giving you lasting legal backing. Don’t hesitate to report violations immediately – even years later, violations demonstrate ongoing danger and justify continued protection.
When Professional Legal Help Becomes Essential
While many resources exist for domestic violence survivors, certain situations absolutely require experienced legal representation to protect your rights and safety.
Signs You Need an Attorney:
You should contact a family law attorney experienced in domestic violence cases if:
- Complex custody situations: Your abuser is fighting for custody or making false allegations against you
- Significant assets to protect: Substantial property, retirement accounts, or business interests need proper division
- Ongoing violations of protection orders: Your abuser repeatedly violates court orders and you need enforcement
- False counter-allegations from your abuser: Your abuser has filed for protection orders against you or made false abuse allegations
- Abuser using legal system for harassment: Your former partner files frivolous motions or drags out proceedings to maintain control and drain your resources
- Safety concerns for you or your children: High-risk situations where your abuser has made serious threats or has access to weapons
- Immigration status concerns: You need legal status protection or have immigration-related complications
- Your abuser has retained an attorney: Don’t face experienced legal representation without your own advocate
Benefits of Trauma-Informed Legal Representation: Not all family law attorneys understand domestic violence dynamics. Working with trauma-informed attorneys like those at Baxter Family Law means your legal team:
- Recognizes power and control dynamics in abusive relationships
- Understands that survivors’ behavior during abuse (staying, returning, inconsistent accounts) doesn’t mean the abuse wasn’t real
- Prioritizes your safety in all legal strategy decisions
- Communicates in ways that don’t re-traumatize you
- Advocates for protection order provisions that actually increase safety
- Anticipates your abuser’s manipulation tactics in court
- Connects you with appropriate community resources
- Believes you and validates your experiences
Similar to the specialized knowledge required when divorcing a narcissist, leaving an abusive relationship requires legal representation that understands manipulation tactics and can protect you from legal abuse.
What to Expect from Your Initial Consultation: When you meet with a domestic violence attorney for the first time:
- Be prepared to share your story, but know you can take breaks if needed
- Bring any documentation you have (protection orders, police reports, medical records, threatening messages)
- Ask about the attorney’s experience with domestic violence cases specifically
- Discuss safety concerns openly – your attorney needs to know what you’re facing
- Understand the legal process and timeline for your situation
- Learn about costs and payment options
- Determine if this attorney is someone you feel comfortable working with
How Baxter Family Law Approaches Domestic Violence Cases: At Baxter Family Law, we understand that leaving an abusive relationship requires more than legal paperwork – it requires a comprehensive approach that prioritizes your safety while protecting your legal rights. Our trauma-informed practice means:
- Flexible meeting options (video, phone, or in-person) that prioritize your safety
- Coordination with domestic violence advocates and other professionals supporting you
- Strategic legal planning that anticipates your abuser’s tactics
- Clear communication about what to expect at every stage
- Fierce advocacy in court while maintaining compassionate support
- Connections to community resources beyond legal services
- Understanding that healing isn’t linear and legal proceedings can be triggering
As your legal bestie, Victoria provides both the legal expertise you need and the understanding you deserve as you navigate this difficult process.
Freedom is Possible
Leaving an abusive relationship is one of the most courageous decisions you’ll ever make. The path forward may feel overwhelming right now, but thousands of survivors have walked this journey before you and successfully rebuilt their lives. You are not alone, and you don’t have to navigate this process by yourself.
Remember these essential truths as you move forward:
- The abuse is never your fault. No matter what your abuser tells you, their choice to use violence, manipulation, or control is entirely their responsibility – and it’s never the victim’s fault.
- You deserve safety, respect, and freedom. Every person deserves to live without fear in their own home and relationships, whether you’re trying to leave now or planning for the future.
- Colorado law protects survivors. From protection orders to custody protections to criminal prosecution of abusers, Colorado’s legal system provides robust tools to help you leave an abuser and stay safe.
- Professional help makes a difference. Working with experienced domestic violence advocates, counselors, and attorneys significantly improves outcomes and safety for survivors, especially when leaving without a clear plan could be dangerous.
- Healing is possible. While recovery takes time, survivors do heal, rebuild their lives, and often emerge stronger than they imagined possible after leaving the relationship safely.
Your safety remains the top priority throughout this entire process. Trust your instincts – if something feels dangerous, it probably is. Don’t let anyone, including well-meaning friends or a family member, pressure you to leave before you’ve created a solid safety plan. And once you’ve left, maintaining your safety remains essential as you navigate legal proceedings and rebuild your life.
Colorado provides comprehensive protections for domestic violence survivors, but accessing those protections requires knowledge of your rights and often requires experienced legal advocacy. Whether you need help obtaining a protection order, navigating divorce proceedings, establishing safe custody arrangements, or enforcing court orders your abuser violates, professional legal support protects both your immediate safety and your long-term interests.
At Baxter Family Law, we’re committed to providing trauma-informed, compassionate legal representation for survivors of intimate partner violence and sexual assault. We understand the unique challenges you’re facing, the courage it took to seek help, and the comprehensive legal strategy required to protect you and your children as you leave an abusive relationship.
If you’re ready to take the next step toward freedom, or if you’re still planning your safe exit and need legal guidance, contact us today. Your initial consultation is confidential, and we can help you understand your legal options while prioritizing your safety.
Emergency Resources – Save These Numbers:
- 911 – For immediate danger
- Colorado Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-844-264-7877 (24/7, free, confidential)
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788
- TESSA (Colorado Springs): 719-633-3819
- Colorado Crisis Services: 1-844-493-8255
Your new life – free from abuse, full of possibility – is waiting. Let us help you protect your legal rights while you reclaim your freedom. You deserve nothing less.
Disclaimer: This article provides general legal information and should not be construed as specific legal advice. Every situation is unique and requires individualized assessment by qualified legal counsel. Attorney-client privilege is not established by reading this article. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or contact your local domestic violence hotline immediately.
